My ex-best guy friend...

We were such amazing friends. No joke. We'd spend hours on the phone to each other. We'd spend hours with each other. But that's all gone. And yes, I know that's partly my fault. I know I took him for granted, and ignored him too much but I didn't mean to and it just got a bit fucked up. Not like there was any awkwardness or anything but there just wasn't as much communication between us. Now, admittedly he got a life in this period, so fair enough. But I dunno anymore. Sure I miss him, but it's not like I'm going to be crying myself to sleep over him. At all. And now that he's trying to be 'too mad' and whatnot I can't take it. Like he just thinks about other people way too much and he's far too insecure. I preferred the old him, when he did fuck all and was a good boy and all that jazz. But that all stopped and he thinks he's all this and all that. So whatever. I don't exactly need him anymore. It'd be nice to be good friends again but there's other people I'd be way more devestated to lose than him. So in a way it's a bit meh. If he wants to be good friends, I'm there, but if not I'm not going to be losing sleep. Because in truth, he's irritating me a bit at the moment. And I don't need that. There's another guy - I've mentioned him before - a friend, and if I lost him it'd be worse. And once this guy friend comes around and changes and goes through this trying to be in with the cool crowd phase, then maybe we can be friends. He's just too high maintainence right now, and I really can't deal with that. I'm not trying to be mean at all, I do like him. But he's being a prick, and that's the only conclusion I can come to.

I love...

So many more people I love. Or maybe just like. Who knows really? There's the guy a good few years older than me. He's goddamn fucking hot. Every time he passes and smiles my whole world lights up. I can't describe it. The fact that he's one of the nicest people I've ever met makes it all the harder. But what makes it hardest is the fact that he's taken. But I'm beginning to think it's not love, or even lust, on my part and that I just like him as a guy. Which would be good, because realistically he's too old. But I can still look at him. I can still smile everytime I see his name flashing up on the screen of my phone when he calls. Because it's little things like that that brighten up my day. That get rid of the monotony and make even the worst situation enjoyable. His looks, his personality, his style. He's cool. And the fact that I know him. That I chat to him. Well, that's good enough for me.